Sneak In?

Christie and I drove the kids to a house a few towns over that reported to have a massive display of lights.  When we arrived, we saw that the place lived up to the hype.  This guy had covered his house and lawn in Christmas lights, inflatable Santas and all manner of over Holiday decorations.  

We drove by the house and saw this carnival of lights.  We were looking for a place to park and Violet took in all the lights.   "Wow," she said.  "It looks like someone's having a really good birthday party."

That was all fun, but then she said, "Maybe we can sneak in."  

Sneak in to some random birthday party?  What're they teaching her at preschool?

Sharing

Clearly one of Violet's favorite parts of today's Christmas celebration was the desserts!

She has a neat new trick for getting more than her fair share.  She reminds people that they should share and they give her a piece.  "Memere, remember it's good to share," she tells her grandmother.  Succumbing to Violet's cuteness, Memere gives Violet a piece of her cookie.

So she appears to be embracing good manners, while at the same time getting three times the dessert.  Very sneaky!

Preschool

Christie and I are non-practicing Christians, but we liked the teachers at our local Lutheran church preschool the best, so that's where Violet goes.  The religious part of their program is pretty mild, so we didn't think it would be an issue.  

And it hasn't been, though sometimes Violet's perspective on that is entertaining.  

Today, Violet told us that they had been in the chapel for preschool.

"We had a new music teacher.  He was a boy."  We put it together later that "the boy" was the pastor, who had spent time with the class.  

"Violet, what did you do with the music teacher?" We asked.

"We danced and sang silly God songs."

We're not sure if some of the songs were silly or what, but that's something only a cute three-year-old can say, without starting a holy war.

The last we discussed the day with her, we asked if they said "Amen," wondering if they prayed.  She looked at us and said, "No, we said A-girl!"

No idea how she dreamed that up, but very clever.

Worm Teeth

Violet came at my with one of the baby toys, a multi-colored, segmented inchworm thing. From about ten feet away she started slowly advancing, telling me all the while, "Daddy, the worm's gonna bite you!"

I was doing something in the sink, so I kept telling her stuff like "Oh no!" and "Ahhh!" When she got close, though, I told her, "Violet, worms don't have teeth. A worm can't bite me."

She paused for the briefest of instants and then told em, "Daddy, the snake is gonna bite you."

First rhyme

At breakfast Violet said, "I have a fish on the dish." Then, after a second, she said, "That rhymes!"

We told her she'd done a great job.

And, no, we weren't having fish for breakfast. She made that up.

Skunk

We were washing Violet's hands in the kitchen sink after breakfast, and she started sniffing.

"Daddy, I smell a skunk."

I sniffed as well, but didn't smell anything stronger than hand soap in the air. "Violet, I'm afraid I don't smell it."

"Well, I'm afraid I do smell it!" she told me.

Poops

We'd been having a bit of a regression with Violet regarding the bathroom. She had been doing a great job of letting us know when she needed to be taken from naps to the bathroom. Recently, though she had not been telling us and we'd collect her from naps with full diapers.

So we were excited when, at the breakfast table, she announced "Oh, I have to go poop." "It's almost coming out," she added and ran off to the bathroom.

She yelled from the bathroom that she was done, so I went in to help with the cleanup. Violet stood from the bowl and inspected her work. "It looks like a big turtle poop!" She declared.

I looked too and I had to agree.

Measuring

Violet started "measuring" me with her fork. She measured my arm with it and declared that it was thirty pounds.

She measures my eyes and my other arm. When she went to measure my cheek, I made a silly face at her. "Don't make faces, please," she said.

"But I like to," I said.

"Well, like to keep you face like that instead." I appreciate her lateral mind sometimes.

Astronaut

I walked through the living room and saw two pillows--mine of course-- lying in the middle of the living room floor. I was pretty sure that Violet was at the bottom of this.

"Violet," I called to her from a room off, "did you put these pillows on the floor?"

"Yes," she said, shamelessly.

"Why did you put my pillows there?" I asked.

"Because I'm being an astronaut," she said and ran back off into her bedroom, leaving me to puzzle that out what that meant.

A Good Idea

Violet came running into the room.  "Dad, I've got a good idea."

"Oh?  What's that kiddo?"

"We can buy a new pig and we can call him Oinky and we can put bacon on his bum.  Is that a good idea?"

I wanted to tell her about how sick it was to put bacon near a pig, but I remembered she's three.  "That might be a good idea."

As she was running away, I heard her say, "'cause I would like a new pig."

He's Not Real

Violet and I were going to watch a movie in my bedroom.  She was pretty excited because we were going to watch 'Brave' and she'd been dying to see it.

"Daddy, can Monkey come with us into Mommy's room to watch the movie?"

"Sure," I told her.  "He can climb up on the bed and sit with you."

Violet shook her head at me.  "Monkey can't climb up the bed.  Monkey's not real.  Silly Daddy."

Letting down the wall and admitting that Monkey was not real surprised me.  Monkey is usually a lively member of our conversations and playtime.  "Um, OK.  I guess you'll just have to carry him up with you."

Violet headed into the bedroom saying, "Silly Daddy, Monkey's not real."

The Bad Queen

"Daddy, I'm the Bad Queen," Violet told me, out of the blue.  Then she turned to Christie and said, "Momma, you've got to protect Daddy from me.  I'm the Bad Queen."

"Oh, No," I said.  "What is the Bad Queen going to do to me?"

"I'm going to put you in time out, because I'm the Bad Queen."

Booty shake

As a family we huddled up and watched the Princess and the Frog.  Violet did play trains for about half of the time, but she was having fun.  She was decked out in a princess dress she got for her birthday.

At the end of the movie, Tiana gets her restaurant and everything's going well, while some jazz plays.  We didn't notice it at first, but Violet was shaking her booty at us.  Christie noticed it first and pointed it out to me.  "Look over there," she said.

Naturally, once she noticed we were laughing at her antics, she started booty shaking all over the place, purple princess dress moving all over the place.  She booty shook at me, at Christie, at Violet, and the dog.

I backed the movie up to the start of the jazz number and she starting shakin' all over again.

The walked off and booty shook, looked back to us said, "it's chicken nuggety," turned and shook booty again.

"Chicken nuggety?" we asked.

"Chicken nuggety," she confirmed and then shook it.

Naturally, I had to shake it as well. "Violet, what's it called when I shake it?  Cheeseburgery?"

"Yeah, cheeseburgery," she confirmed.

A bit later Violet dropped her dress down to the floor and did the chicken nuggety in just her underpants.

It's funny, but as a dad, when your three-year-old has a butt shaking dance that she's happy to do in only her underwear, it makes you scared for what the future holds.

Pahty

It was getting to be time for bed.  I needed Violet to use the bathroom before getting her settled into her bed.

"Violet, go potty," I said for the third time.

And for the first time ever, Violet mocked me.  She used a really nasally voice and said, "Violet, go potty.  Violet, go potty."

I thought I would have to wait until she was a teenager before she openly mocked me.  I was too stunned to even be mad.

Importance and Bravery

Violet has been crying wolf at bedtime lately, yelling for me to go in there only to tell me something like, "Monkey's being crazy."

I try to explain to her the difference between important things, and un-important things.  I told her that if she needs to go poop, than that was important, so that we could get her to the potty before an accident.  News about Monkey and his crazy sayings and doing was not important.  She didn't really get it.  I think we have vastly different takes on what's important and Monkey being crazy is important to her.

After I explain, she said several times, "When something is important then I have to say it's important and it's important so I say it's important," and so on she goes with this circular reasoning.

Then, after a few more of these circular loops, she tells me, "Daddy, it's important.  I just want you to know that if there are any bad monsters in the house, you let me know and I'll throw them outside.  OK?"

"Thanks, Violet.  That's very brave of you," I said, and took off before she could tell me something that Monkey said.

Going to bed

It was a bit late for Violet's bedtime, which is always a bit of a nightmare.  She's a crazy force of nature if she's up too late.  Just ten minutes can make the difference between pleasant, fun, listening daughter and a whirlwind of chaotic destruction.

I finally corralled her into bed and she declared, "Daddy, I don't like you."

I looked at her, not easily surprised by the things she says as bedtime.  "Why?" I asked.

Matter of factly, she said, "Because you made me go to bed."

I was struck but the brutal and simple honesty of it.

I wish!

We were reading this Elmo Potty book at bedtime.  Violet looked at me and said, "I wish I could jump into this book and play with Elmo!"

That was an interesting thought.

Careful

I got Violet up one morning, and the first thing she said was, "Daddy, you have to be careful with me."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I'm special," she told me.

"Oh, I know," I said.  "I know.

Robot dog

Violet looked at the pattern of poodle dogs in Christmas hats on her pajamas.  She pointed to them and said, "Look at my robot dogs."  No idea where that came from.

Pooping and Privacy

We close the bathroom door when we do our business, but we don't typically lock the door.  This is a mixed bag, I think.  Violet doesn't really show much interest in locking herself in the bathroom is good.  The downside is that she also don't quite give privacy, particularly my privacy, the respect I wish she would.

She busts in on me and asks, "Daddy you done pooping?"

"Yep," I tell her, trying to shoo her out of the bathroom.

"Can I see it?" she asks.

"What?" I ask, stunned.

"Can I see it?" she asks, undaunted.

I had to laugh.  "No, Violet, come on, get out."

What?

I was changing Violet after a nap, during which she wears a diaper to prevent sleeping accidents.  I put her up on the changing table and peel off the diaper and toss her underpants to put on.

Before she puts them on, though, she starts flailing around and picking at her butt.

This behavior is pretty abnormal.  "Violet, what are you doing?" I ask.

Like it's a perfectly reasonable response, she says, "I was trying to tear my bum cheeks off."

"What?" I asked.

She repeated it, as I put her down on the ground, and she bolted to the living room.

It was yet another one of those "Well, what can you say?" parenting moments.

What I like

Violet was betting Momma's hair.  She said, "Momma, I like you because you hair is the same color as Monkey," referring to her brown stuffed pal.

She turned to me.  She said, "Daddy, I like you because you're fun.  You're fun.  And you're fun."  She paused, and said excitedly, "How many funs is that?"

Puke

The girls were in our bed watching one of Violet's cartoons, Super Why.  I made myself a cup of coffee and got a cup of milk for Violet.  I walked into the room to find Christie and Violet giggling madly.
 
"What's so funny?" I asked.

Christie told me the story:

Princess Pea on the cartoon complain that she had a tummy ache.  She's at a fair and she's agonizing that she very much wants to eat some popcorn, but her stomach keeps grumbling audibly.

"Oh, no, what should I do?" Princess Pea said.

"Puke," Violet said, in her best medical wisdom.  "She should puke."

Then the giggling started.  I had to laugh too, after the recap.

Monkey's Rice Beard

Today for dinner, Violet had rice on her plate.  The plate was a plastic plate with a picture of a monkey's head on it.  Violet made the comment, "Look, Daddy, the monkey's got hair and a beard."

I looked at the plate.  I could clearly see the monkey's face, with a beard and thick mane of rice.  It was uncanny.

I smiled, thinking about how Violet sees the world.

Voices

Violet usually translates what her stuffed pal Monkey "says" to her.  Monkey has been more and brazen lately.  Violet will often provide us messages like "Monkey just told me he wants to poop all over my room."

The other day, though, she used a crazy voice for Monkey.

Violet wanted me to put her baby sister near her for another good night hug.  Lila was hungry, so I thought this next hug ill-advised.  "No, Vi-Vi, it's time for bed.  I've got to go feed Lila."

Then I heard Violet make this voice saying "Can I have Lila?"  The voice was a cross between robotic and something from the exorcist.

"Violet, what voice is that?"  I asked.

"That's Monkey's voice," she said.

"He sounds scary.  Good night."  I left the room with her say normal, silly things in a really creepy voice.

A Visit to Work

Christie needed to go to a store near my work.  She packed the kids up and headed in, mentioning "Maybe we'll visit Daddy's work today."

Violet didn't hear the "maybe" part and she zeroed in on visiting my work.  We didn't realize it at the time, but Violet was thinking back to her visit to my work on Halloween night, when, drshe essed as a princess, she collected a substantial haul of candy.  So on this random Tuesday, Violet thought she would skip through the cubicles and get handed sweets.

Violet arrived at the office as was cute enough that she actually did wrangle a few pieces of candy from people.  It's funny to me what she can accomplish with her cuteness.  She cuted her way into the VP's office, and the VP interrupted his meeting to listen to Violet's cute story.

The morale:  Don't underestimate Violet's powers of cuteness.  Let's just hope she continues to use her powers for good and not evil.